Being Assertive

Assertive or Aggressive?

It’s up to you.

First, you need to understand what you’re after. Then, you need to consider your options.

1. What are you after: I consult with clients all around the world on ways to build their business results. Everyone seems to agree that best practices vary in application across cultures. Everyone also seems to agree that while those best practices may vary in application, they are pretty consistent in their principle(s). And one of the principles, regardless of the culture you’re operating in, is—results. You’re responsible for achieving results—for yourself, for your employer. So, okay. We’re after results. And sometimes, depending on the culture you’re operating in, this means speaking up firmly. The question is, how?
   
2. Consider your options: Many clients tell me that aggressive is the way to go. It’s definite, there’s no question of your intention, it strikes hard. And I point out that the downside is that it tends to include something else—an element of blame, hurt, perhaps under-handedness. So, what to do? How do you achieve definiteness, clarity and power, without the blame/hurt part? The answer is assertiveness. Assertiveness is definite, direct in intention, strikes with clarity. And it does all of this within a context of respect. Think of assertiveness this way: as opposed to attacking an opponent, you’re speaking truth, with conviction, to a partner.

Scare me with your aggressiveness, and you may or may not win the battle. You almost certainly won’t win the war. Come to me with your assertiveness, and I will sense your respect for me, and I will respect you. And consider this—I ultimately don’t really listen to my attacker. I listen to my trusted partner.

This week, think about any firm messages you need to communicate. First, consider what you’re after. Then, consider your options.

And in regards to options, I recommend assertive.