Taking Action

“The most drastic, and usually the most effective, remedy for fear is direct action.”

                                                   - William Burnham

Fear is an interesting phenomenon. It can have many effects on us, psychologically and physically. And one of the most common effects, as Burnham’s words imply, is paralysis. Whether the fear is about a choice, the magnitude of a task, or the difficulty of that task, it often brings with it paralysis. Standing still. And in many ways, it’s that standing still that is the worst part. As a competitive runner, the worst part for me was always before the race. Let’s be clear—the race itself was a tremendous challenge- extreme physical exertion (i.e. PAIN) and the psychological difficulty of mind over matter in the moment—getting my body to do things it didn’t want to do or didn’t believe it could do. But it wasn’t as bad as the time before the race. That was the “standing still” time. The minutes, and then the seconds before the gun went off. The equivalent of the paralysis. And the fear was tremendous. But once the gun went off, and the real work began, the fear dropped away. There was something about the movement, about taking action, that was a huge relief. And when the fear is gone, and the action begins, the possibilities begin to appear. And…the possibilities begin to be possible. Because inaction leads to nothing. Action leads to outcomes. And perhaps very good outcomes.

Look at your week ahead. Identify any area you know you're experiencing paralysis, procrastination, standing still, whatever. Any area there may be fear. Try this:

• Identify one small action you can take that’s directly related to whatever you’re afraid of. I find that if there’s a project to do, starting on one little piece of it, a piece that’s not overwhelming, throws me into active mode, which encourages the fear to go away, and leads to more action
  
• If that’s too much, if what you’re afraid of is too big and even starting on a small piece feels too daunting, do this: take action on something else. Something do-able. Anything. Anything active will help you right now. Even if it’s simply taking out the trash. The very act of doing, and of accomplishing, will put your brain into a different state—a more grounded and confident state. Meaning that when you’re done with that action, you’ll be breathing more deeply, standing up a little straighter, and more more able to start tackling the biggie
  

Focusing On What’s Right

The other day at the grocery store, I passed two women engrossed in conversation. One woman was saying to the other, “Don’t focus on what’s wrong….” She continued to talk as I passed them in the frozen food aisle, but as I moved away I could no longer hear and missed the rest of the sentence. The tone was kind, and, clearly, advice was being given. I can only imagine that the woman went on to say, “Focus on what’s right.”

And if she did, she wouldn’t be the only one:

• On an individual level, a host of research has emerged that suggests we build success through focusing on our strengths rather than our weaknesses
  
• On an organizational level, the growing field of Appreciative Inquiry (focusing on existing exceptional performance and creating more of it through focus on core strengths) is giving traditional problem solving (think SWOT Analysis with its attendance to weaknesses and threats) a run for its money in the strategic planning process
  
• On a relational level, counselors encourage us to shift our focus to the positive attributes of our loved ones, and away from the negative ones
  
• On a psychological level, it’s been proven over and over that we tend to go toward what we focus on, and create more of it
  

Your turn:

1. CHOOSE one area in your life this week that you know needs a different approach, a different outcome, whatever level it’s on—individual, organizational, relational or psychological
   
2. IDENTIFY—What's going right? What are the strengths? What's just plain good? 
   
3. FOCUS on those things. Think about them. Keep thinking about them. When the temptation comes to focus on the things that aren't great, take a deep breath, let those thoughts go, and go back to the good stuff
   

This has been proven to work on a human level, and you’re human, after all. This may just be the thing. This may just be your thing.

Giving the Reason, Saving the Day

In the absence of information, people make things up.

This bears repeating: in the absence of information, people make things up.

And here’s the kicker—the things people make up are, as a rule, bad.

This is a principle we see played out over and over again with public figures in sports, politics, and entertainment. You know the drill—scandal + public figure declines comment + public and media are left to conjecture the worst.

While this is common with public figures, it’s equally common in all our lives. Common, and destructive.

So let’s look closer.

When this happens in our own lives, when we inadvertently, perhaps, create an “absence of information,” this absent information typically takes the form of one thing: the reason.

For example: “I need some time by myself.”

• Translation in their mind: “He/she is sick of me.”
• What you actually mean is, “We’ve been to a lot of parties recently and it’s been really fun. And, I’m an introvert and I realize I’m feeling drained and the best way for me to refuel is to have a little time to myself. What I have in mind is a relaxed walk in the local botanical gardens. Then I’m looking forward to our dinner tonight.” This statement includes the reason you need time by yourself. Now there’s no question what the reason is. They don’t have to make information up. But you don’t say any of that. You simply say, “I need some time by myself.” And now, they have to make something up. And, of course that something is bad.
• The result: miscommunication, hurt, anger…bad stuff.
  
• The remedy: state the reason in the first place.
  

Or: “I’m going along with you to your client meeting.”

• Translation in their mind: “He/she thinks I’m completely blowing my meetings.”
• What you actually mean is, “I’ve been pulled into special projects and completely buried over the last few weeks. Yet as your manager, I owe it to you to provide support and help you create as many wins as possible. I’ve been putting thought into the best ways I can do this for you, and I propose that I join you on a few of your key meetings. I can assist during the meetings, if needed, and if I’m not needed, great. I can simply observe and give you some feedback afterward on how to make your already successful meetings even more successful.” But you don’t say any of this. You don’t give the reason. You simply say, “I'm going along with you to your client meeting.” And the other person is left to make stuff up. Bad stuff.
• The result: miscommunication, eroded trust, dissatisfaction with boss and therefore with job.
  
• The remedy: state the reason in the fist place.
  

This week, think about the messages you need to communicate with people. And be sure to include the reason.

Asking for Feedback: Make it Easy

Last week, we looked at the importance of asking for feedback to help you reach higher levels of performance, and improve close relationships. Meaningful feedback can ultimately be the difference between success and failure for you, as you uncover (or don’t uncover) important information to propel you forward.

The trouble is, people are often reluctant to give feedback for fear of hurt feelings, misunderstandings, recrimination, etc. So, ease the process and raise the likelihood that you will find the information you need by providing parameters. Here are two ways:

• Ask for feedback in one specific area (“Would you give me feedback on my presentation skills?” “Would you give me feedback on the last few proposals I’ve put together?”)
  
• Ask for feedback in three categories: start/stop/change (“Will you give me feedback on anything you recommend I start doing, stop doing, and/or change altogether?”)
  

And remember, don’t just come out and ask the person to give you feedback on the spot. It's unfair to ask someone for this kind of potentially sensitive information and expect it then and there. Combine this week’s suggestion around providing parameters with last week’s recommendations for how to ask for feedback, including giving the other person time to think it through (especially important for analytical, process-driven people). And then, go on a treasure hunt, and see what kind of helpful feedback you can find!

Asking for Feedback

None of us are perfect, and none of us have a complete picture of ourselves. Maybe that’s by design. We are social beings, and perhaps it’s a good thing that for any one of us to reach our highest level of potential, we must get feedback from other people. The question is—do we?

If you work in an organization that has a healthy performance management system and 360 degree feedback process, chances are that you do receive feedback. If you don’t (and even if you do—because that feedback only addresses your professional competence—how about your success in your personal life?), you must seek it out.

If you’re thinking that asking for feedback shows weakness, think again. Research shows that people who ask for feedback on a consistent basis (non constant, but consistent) are viewed favorably in professional situations. This can translate into personal situations as well. This is because of the message it sends: I’m confident enough about what I’m doing to ask for feedback, and I’m not about covering myself, I’m about growing to higher levels of performance and contribution.

How to ask for feedback:

• Consider what you would like feedback on
• Identify who you would like to ask for feedback
  
• Tell them that you would like their feedback, explain why you’ve identified them, be clear about your goals for the feedback process, and lay out specifically what you would like feedback on
  
• Give them time to think about and prepare their feedback
  

When receiving the feedback:

• Listen and don’t interrupt
  
• Ask questions to clarify their meaning
  
• Don’t argue- if you do, that’s the last time you’ll get feedback from this person. Not to mention you’ll compromise the relationship by invalidating their perspective and disrespecting the effort they’ve gone to in providing you feedback
  
• Thank them for their effort and honesty
  

If you disagree with the feedback:

• If possible, let it go. Arguing won’t help you
  
• If the feedback indicates a need for you to clear something up, be very careful in how you proceed—this is delicate stuff. Thank them, and let them know that you realize you have light to shed on your actions or intentions, and ask their permission to proceed and explain yourself. They will not say “no” to this courteous approach, and it will likely not come across as a defensive argument
  

The best way to go into these feedback sessions it to picture yourself as a combination professional athlete/detective. The pro athlete isn’t coming and asking for feedback with their tail between their legs. They know they’re good, and are wide open to getting better. They know that feedback is their way to winning the championship. The detective looks for clues and information—and is happy when they uncover something—it gets them closer to achieving their goal. For the detective, the goal is to solve the case. For us, it’s to improve our performance and to reach our highest level. And any information that will help us do that is helpful.

This week, think about where your next level of excellence is. Identify who could give you helpful and honest feedback about where you are now that may affect where you want to go next. Use the principles for asking and receiving feedback. And see what you can find that will propel you toward your next level!