Creating Yes in a No Economy: 7 Keys to Getting From Here to There

Everything is changing—the economy, the world, our lives. And when things change, two things happen: the exciting part—opportunities open up, and the scary part—fear of the unknown. And because the unknown can be so scary for people, groups, and businesses, they can clamp down. “Let’s just hold onto what we have and not make any big moves, and maybe we’ll be okay.” Yet if we do that, we miss the other part—the opportunities. Things will continue to change, and change for the better, and those who are already moving forward into that change will be poised to capitalize on it!

If we are going to start to move forward, we will probably face resistance from others. When there are other people involved, and they are putting up obstacles to new ideas or forward movement, don’t give up. Be smart in your approach. Employ these 7 keys to Creating Yes in a No Economy.

1.     It starts in your mind: If you’re going to create yes in the world, you have to first create yes in your mind. Believe that things are getting better—that the time to plant new seeds and begin to move forward is now. If you can’t believe, simply entertain the possibility. That’s a low-pressure way to start moving in the right direction.

2.     Watch your language: Do you want to create something? Use assertive language. Nothing will change if you sneak in and speak with doubt. Remove “think,” “hope” and “maybe” from your vocabulary. For more, go to http://bit.ly/9glu7L

3.     If you don’t ask, it won’t happen: Speak up! Be bold. Now is no time to hold back. “Fortune favors the brave,” Terence, playwright, second century BC.

4.     Why?: And the “why” had better be good. If someone is going to move out of their comfort zone and say yes to you, there will have to be a good reason. Not a good reason to you, but a good reason to them.

5.     Listen first: Think persuasion is all about talking? Think again. Listening is one of your greatest tools. And one secret is to hear them out first, waiting your turn. They’ll be much more willing to hear you out without judgment after you’ve done that for them.

6.     Start smart, stay smart: When you have something to say—something you want to have an impact and to spur change, don’t just say it any old way. Be strategic with how you start the conversation, and how you handle any arguments that come your way. In starting out, include the “why” from number four, above.

7.     Who are you talking to?: Think about who your “audience” is, and adjust your message accordingly.

A mentor advised me once: “Don’t delay.” Those words have been my friend ever since, spurring me on through the resistance I’ve faced from others, and the resistance I’ve faced from myself. If you’re sensing there is something you need to move forward with, don’t delay. In this time of great change, opportunity is stirring. Take a deep breath, consider the 7 Keys to Creating Yes, and take action. 

Handling Conflict Productively: It's (Almost) All in Your Mind

Conflict is inevitable. Any time we are involved in an activity, project, or situation of any kind that involves other people, there will be, at some point, conflict. The question, then, isn’t, “Will we have conflict?” but, “When we have conflict, how will we handle it?”

Productive conflict is the goal. If we’re going to have conflict and experience the discomfort that typically comes with it, let’s not waste it. Let’s make use of it, gain something from it, use it as an opportunity to learn, to solve a problem, SOMEthing.

Productive conflict starts in one place—our mind. If we go into the conflict with a productive mindset, we have a higher likelihood of a positive and useful outcome.

How you think about conflict has everything to do with how you handle conflict:

• Thinking about conflict as, “Clearly one of us needs some more information here” is more productive than, “That other person is trying to hurt me.”
  
• Thinking about conflict as, “This is a good opportunity to learn something, and to take this relationship to a deeper level” is more productive than, “This will be hurtful, harmful, or painful.”
  
• Thinking, “One or both of us are in pain right now—there is misunderstanding and fear around something that one or both of us is uncomfortable with” is more productive than, “That person is a jerk.”

Tips:

• Breathe: always a good idea, hard to do in tense situations
  
• Don’t take anything personally: even if they intend for you to
  
• Listen well: show that, first, you're more interested in truly understanding than in pushing your way

Every conflict provides opportunities to learn—about a situation, yourself, and the other person. Be a learner and go on a treasure hunt. Don’t waste any opportunity in your life. In this case, see conflict as the opportunity, and you will be more likely to handle it constructively, build the relationship, and learn something in the process.

 

Shorten Your Stride, Get There Faster

We all have “shining moments” in life: moments of achievement, moments of victory in which we overcome our obstacles and triumph over our fears. And when one of these moments is coupled with illumination—some kind of insight that has the potential to transform you, its power is unparalleled. And…it tends to stay with you. One of my shining moments delivered just this: the perfect combination of achievement and insight. The “achievement” portion gave me an enduring memory and sense of personal power that has come in handy when I’ve faced challenging situations (“I was victorious in that situation, why not this one?”), and the “insight” portion has come back many times as a piece of practical wisdom that has helped me move forward and not spin my wheels.

I was a competitive runner in college—cross-country in the fall, and the 800 meters and mile relay in the spring. We were a small school—NCAA Division III—but competitive in our space. And one spring, my mile relay team qualified for nationals. The excitement was great, the pressure even greater (talk about nerves), and on that day, I ran the best race of my life. The rest of the team ran well, as always, but I was the only one who PR’d (“personal record,” meaning I ran my personal best to date). I remember my coach coming up to me after the race and handing me the stopwatch showing my split (the timing in my portion of the race). I also remember blinking and not believing my eyes—it was a big PR—one I’d dreamt about for years. Each team had been issued an identical baton, made particularly for nationals. In acknowledgment of my personal victory, my three teammates presented me with the team baton to keep.

Shorten Your Stride

My PR that day was the result of a piece of advice my coach had given me: “Shorten your stride.” I have long legs, and my natural tendency as a runner is to use them (go figure). I naturally take long strides, commensurate with the length of my legs. While it felt entirely counter-intuitive, my coach’s advice was sound. Slightly shortening my strides, and taking more of those shorter strides, actually made me go faster, and reach the finish line more quickly. I didn’t believe him at first, but on trying it out, found he was right. I have the stopwatch and baton to prove it.

Break it Down

In the years since then, I have observed a natural tendency of mine when it comes to working on any kind of project: I want to push. Keep going. Get it done. Drive myself. Kind of like taking those long strides. I have also observed that I tend to accomplish more, and more quickly, when I shorten my stride: break it down into chunks, do a chunk at a time, take a break between chunks, clear my head (eating and sleeping are also good).

Be Strategic, and Get There Faster

This all goes against the instinct that says that when you have a big task, you must take a big, long run at it. Be aware of this instinct, and be strategic. Whatever the task at hand, break it down. Do a piece at a time. Watch the accomplishments of those pieces stack up, fueled by breaks and refreshment, and ultimately, see yourself get to the finish line faster.

Create Agreements

Any productive work relationship operates on the basis of certain “agreements.” By agreements, I’m not referring to “what” we’re working on, but on “how” we work together. Examples of agreements include anything we feel is important—like the pace at which we work, the level of detail we go into, the specific areas we choose to emphasize, the type of communication we engage in with other departments, people, customers AND EACH OTHER, etc. The trouble is, we rarely set up these agreements verbally. We simply work together, go along, and are then surprised and upset when we find that we’re obviously working from a different set of agreements. Things aren’t so bad when we’re working with someone who is very much like us, but this is rarely the case. Often we’re working with people who have different ways of working and assumptions about the right way to go about things than we do, and if we don’t talk about our agreements, and come to some kind of agreement on our agreements, well, we’re leaving ourselves open to frustration, a ball getting dropped somewhere, the potential for damaged relationships, and the possibility of lost business.

How to Create Agreements:

Creating agreements means to discuss what we mutually need from one another in regards to how we work together. Through declaration of intent (“My intent in initiating this conversation is to be sure we are working and interacting off the same set of “interaction blueprints”) and mutual disclosure, get them to tell you the secrets of working well with them (e.g. better times of day to approach them, preferred method of communication, preferred mode of collaboration—“do you prefer to brainstorm together and think aloud, or do you work better by doing your own thinking first, and then getting together to compare notes,” how it’s best to approach them on challenging work assignments or issues, etc.). You’ll also be sharing your preferences, so it’s a two-way street.

Tip:

As part of creating an agreement, also decide together how you will handle the violation of an agreement (we’re human- something will be violated unintentionally at some point). That way you have a game-plan if things get tricky- a game plan that you have created together!

Whether you’re thinking about a relationship with a co-worker, boss, employee, or even a customer with whom you’re collaborating, creating agreements is a smart way to ensure things get done well and important business relationships are strengthened in the process.

Conflict at Work: How Your Emotions Can Work Against You, and How to Get Back on Track

Conflict in the workplace is one of the most challenging (and prevalent) aspects of professional life. Any time you get more than one person in a room together, you have the potential for, and the likelihood of conflict. And when it’s at work, where we don’t always get to choose with whom we interact, and where conflicts can turn into ongoing strife, the problems are multiplied.

One of the central issues is an emotional one: the feeling of being out of control—because this person is in my sphere, in my department, on my team, I’m miserable. And because I’m so miserable, I give in to frustration and don’t operate at optimum capacity. The first order of business is to get your power back. And by power, I mean your sense of strength, your ability to choose, and a reasonable sense of control over your life. When you have that, it’s easier to see things in a balanced way. This helps you make better choices. And better choices lead to better outcomes.

To get the power back—consider these questions:

• Who is in charge of your emotions? You are. Other people aren’t—all they’re in charge of is what they do. You may feel initially frustrated at the conflict, making you feel out of control—that’s natural. But after that, how you feel, ongoingly, is entirely up to you.
  
• Who is in charge of your behavior? You are. Other people are in charge of their behavior. You may have an initial reaction to what they do, but then you get to choose how you will behave, in response.
  
• What’s more important to you—this job, or retaliating in some way to this person? If your answer is “this job,” then not retaliating becomes easier. You’re getting what you want (the job), so your need to lash out, lessens.
  

These are only three questions, yet already your power is being restored, putting you in the right frame of mind to decide how to deal with the person.

Four recommendations for handling the conflict:

• Take the high road: Be civil. Remember who you are. You may be tempted to lash out, give them the cold shoulder, or undermine them the way they have you. But then they win. You are a person who walks in respect, integrity, and professionalism. Keep being the real and the best YOU.
  
• Set aside old grievances and work with the person, if possible. At the same time, keep your wits about you. Don’t be “wary” (overly guarded), as this can draw your focus away from important tasks and clamp down on your creativity and openness, simply be “aware” (appropriately guarded).
  
• If there’s been a blow-up: Acknowledge and apologize for any way you contributed (even if small), and state that you would like to move forward productively. Ask if they are willing to mutually discuss what that would look like and what you both need from one another.
  
• If there is ongoing tension: Acknowledge that fact, state that you would like to work productively with them, and ask if they are willing to talk about it. Most people will acknowledge this respectful approach and agree to it. Mutually and carefully share your perspectives on the situation, each giving the other person a chance to respond. Decide together what to do going forward. This will include each party stating what they need from the other party.
  

If they persist, keep your cool, take a deep breath, and remember to take the high road. Once you’re calm, consider your next step. Steps may include finding a way to live with it, talking with a third party, or removing yourself from the situation.

Even if they behave badly, you get to choose a better way. You get to behave like YOU.