Getting Comfortable With Being Uncomfortable

Smart Living is rarely static living. While it’s important to determine and live by good habits, it’s equally important to recognize the need for change: perhaps you’ve mastered your current level, and it’s time to grow to the next level. Perhaps the environment and expectations around you have changed, and you need to rise to the occasion and change accordingly. Perhaps you’ve simply become aware that what helped you get where you are now is not what will help you continue to move forward. Whatever the reason, we all come to points in our lives where change and growth are the order of the day.

Now, change and growth typically require doing something different, and doing something different often involves discomfort. And—who likes discomfort? How about this—you do. If you truly want to make growth and positive forward movement a key component of your life, here’s a way to make sure it happens, and to pretty much guarantee success: get comfortable with being uncomfortable.  For example:

• If you want to build muscle, while working out may be uncomfortable, it’s necessary. If you become comfortable with the discomfort, you’re much more likely to go to the gym, commit to workouts, and achieve your goal.
  
• If part of your identity revolves around saying “yes” to people (friends, family, bosses), while you realize this allows you to feel good in that you’re being helpful, it also often means you’re not able to focus on your own priorities. If you get comfortable with the discomfort of  “no,” you’re well on your way to getting things done and accomplishing your goals.
  

Everyone likes comfort. If you like it too much, it may hold you back. Consider your relationship with comfort. Then consider your desire to grow. Now, decide to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

Giving Yourself Good Advice

• Get it right vs. Get it done
  
• “Look before you leap” vs. “It’s better to ask forgiveness than permission”
  
• Attention to detail vs. Big-picture focus
  
• Think it through vs. talk it over
  

These are all examples of two quite different ways of being. As you look at each pair of statements, you probably relate to one of the two options a little more than the other. If not, think hard—it’s important to be clear on your tendencies. Knowing them will help you give yourself good advice.

For example, if you look at the first pair of statements and know that you are more of a “get it right person” than a “get it done” person, and you’re in a situation in which you’re expected to produce something but you can’t get it just right and now you’re falling behind and in danger of punitive repercussion, unless the “thing” has life or death-type ramifications, this is likely the time when the best advice you can give yourself is to stretch your comfort zone and move forward and get it done as is. And conversely, if you’re the “get it done” type and you’re working on something highly sensitive and all of the “crossing of the T’s and dotting of the I’s” is driving you crazy, this is probably the day to stretch your comfort zone and advise yourself to take a deep breath, know that it won’t go on forever, and focus on “getting it right.”

This may sound obvious. There are two reasons why it’s not—why we need to be awake and aware and make sure we’re giving ourselves good advice:

• Most of us don’t live in a very present, conscious way. We operate mostly out of habit. If my habit is to “get it right,” I’m going to typically over-focus on getting it right in all situations, which speaks of the axiom that our greatest strengths are our greatest weaknesses, over-used (used for every situation rather than appropriate situations)
  
• Everyone is out there giving you advice, mostly in a vacuum. Turn on the TV or look at a magazine and you hear/see advice to, for example, be bold and live big and move forward. If the “get it done” person hears this, it adds fuel to their regular M.O., which is to be bold, get it done, and move forward. And if the current situation in their life calls more for “getting it right,” they’re now listening to the wrong advice. They're going to move forward when they ought to be slowing down and getting it right
  

There are lots of messages out there. The question is, which ones are right for YOU? You get to decide.

First, know yourself.

Then, give yourself good advice.

Saying No

Having trouble saying “No”? You’re in good company. Many people get into the habit of responding affirmatively to others’ requests, and it becomes just that—a habit. People start to turn to you because they know you’ll say “yes.” You keep saying “yes,” because now it’s part of your brand, and it’s what people expect. And if you do something different than what others expect, things get difficult.  They feel like you’ve changed the rules, and that makes them, and subsequently you, uncomfortable.

What we fail to understand is this:

• Saying “no” allows you to say “yes” to other things—things that are more important.
  
• Saying “no,” and setting boundaries, garners respect.
  
• Saying “no” gets easier. Remember—“yes” is a habit. The more you do something different, the more comfortable you will be with it. Practice saying “no.”

Three tips for saying “no”:

• If in doubt, say “no” (you can change it to a “yes” later, if you reconsider). The principle here is: under-promise, over-deliver.
  
• Be brief—don’t go on and on (“Unfortunately, I’m already working on X project.” “Thank you for asking, but we already have plans for that night.”)
  
• Stick to your guns. Don’t let anyone talk you into anything without your say-so.

This week, just say “no.”

 

 

Getting Seen

Success at work relies on many things: dedication, excellent work, sound judgment, strong relationships, and a proactive approach are among them. And you can add to the list—getting seen.

Getting seen was not a value I was raised with. The message in my family was, “Work hard, give your best, and you will be rewarded. Don’t draw attention to yourself—that’s a sign of selfishness, which is a sign of weak character.” Perhaps. But there’s a problem with that philosophy: bosses can’t reward what they don’t see. No one can.

When I was in high school, I went straight from class to track practice to get ready for the next race, and then to the barn to get ready for the next horse show. In track, winning or losing was clear—there was no question who crossed the finish line first. In horseback riding, things weren’t as clear. Especially when it came to equitation events. Take the fences (jumps) out of the ring, and put a bunch of horses and riders in, and you have a very difficult situation in which the judges must try to get a good look at all of the riders, judge their form, and decide whose is best. And I remember my trainer telling one of my fellow riders, dejected after not placing at all in an event, “You didn’t get seen. You have to get seen or you can't win, you can't even place.” I thought hard about that. It flew in the face of what I’d been taught. Yet I knew it was true.

Work is a lot more like riding than track. There are few obvious and visible finish lines and timers like in track. Managers have their hands full. They want to have a clear picture of their department and who is really performing, and this is often difficult. Take responsibility to make it easy for them. Without embellishing, keep them informed:

• Be sure they know what you’re working on
  
• Tell them your “wins”- they need to know!
  
• Be proactive with your ideas and contributions
  
• Ask for feedback (research shows that employees who ask for feedback are viewed favorably by senior management. It shows confidence and the desire to improve and contribute more)
  

Don’t go to the extreme—you won’t win favor by being in their office every two seconds keeping them informed on your activities and accomplishments. Simply make it a part of your weekly or monthly status meeting or update document.

If you’re doing great work, a good manager is going to want to know about it. Who knows? This could help them make the decision about who gets the promotion. Do them a favor, and don’t make it difficult for them to decide. Take the responsibility to get seen.