Understanding How Your Brain Works

Many friends of mine, upon becoming parents, have commented on the challenges and the complexities, and the dangers of getting parenting all wrong. Essentially, they seem to all agree that anyone moving into parenthood should have to take a class and pass a certification. “We have to study and pass multiple tests for the privilege of driving a car. Seems like we should have to do at least that for the privilege of raising a child.”

Makes sense.

Driving a car: serious.

Raising a child: serious.

And how about—living and being in the world: also serious.

Because living and being in the world, whether or not you drive a car or raise a child, requires making multiple decisions every day. Decisions that determine the quality of your life and, because we live in the world of people and most of our decisions in some way impact others, the quality of other people’s lives.

The trouble is—most of us really have no idea what’s happening when we make those decisions. And as a result, we put ourselves and others at the mercy of what are often low-quality decisions with equally low-quality outcomes.

So, how does your brain work? The short version (that’s relevant here) is this:

Two key components of your brain are your reptilian brain (your reactive brain which operates defensively), and your neo-cortex (where you make reasonable, logical decisions).

And while the good news is that you have a partially rational brain, the bad news is that whenever you’re threatened, stressed, tired, frustrated, you don’t live in that part of your brain. Rather, you downshift into your reptilian mode and become automatically reactive, reacting defensively in the interests of self preservation. You don't make reasonable, logical choices. And as a result, well, you know. This is why your mother always told you to “count to 10.” If you let yourself react in the moment, you’ll say things you’ll wish you hadn’t said, do things you’ll wish you hadn’t done. Whether at work, with your family, interacting with acquaintances or strangers, with your broker, or on the road. And as a result, relationships can be damaged, money can be lost, automobiles can collide as road rage takes over, etc. You get the picture. This can be bad.

Back to the old adage about counting to 10. It’s true. And there’s more. Go beyond counting to 10. Actually do something productive in those 10 (or more) seconds:

1. Wait before succumbing to reactive activity (count to 10!)
   
2. Breathe deeply
   
3. Shift your inner locale: bring awareness to the situation—knowing that you are in your reptilian brain is one of the swiftest ways to move out of it. If this is too challenging, then do something to break up the reptilian mode—a quick way is to do something physical, like take a quick walk. And as you do, breathe deeply and let your mind relax. You will gain access to your logical brain, your neo-cortex
   

Now, reap the rewards of knowing how your mind works and operating from your reasonable brain: better choices, and better outcomes.

Have a great week.