Handling Conflict Productively: It's (Almost) All in Your Mind

Conflict is inevitable. Any time we are involved in an activity, project, or situation of any kind that involves other people, there will be, at some point, conflict. The question, then, isn’t, “Will we have conflict?” but, “When we have conflict, how will we handle it?”

Productive conflict is the goal. If we’re going to have conflict and experience the discomfort that typically comes with it, let’s not waste it. Let’s make use of it, gain something from it, use it as an opportunity to learn, to solve a problem, SOMEthing.

Productive conflict starts in one place—our mind. If we go into the conflict with a productive mindset, we have a higher likelihood of a positive and useful outcome.

How you think about conflict has everything to do with how you handle conflict:

• Thinking about conflict as, “Clearly one of us needs some more information here” is more productive than, “That other person is trying to hurt me.”
  
• Thinking about conflict as, “This is a good opportunity to learn something, and to take this relationship to a deeper level” is more productive than, “This will be hurtful, harmful, or painful.”
  
• Thinking, “One or both of us are in pain right now—there is misunderstanding and fear around something that one or both of us is uncomfortable with” is more productive than, “That person is a jerk.”

Tips:

• Breathe: always a good idea, hard to do in tense situations
  
• Don’t take anything personally: even if they intend for you to
  
• Listen well: show that, first, you're more interested in truly understanding than in pushing your way

Every conflict provides opportunities to learn—about a situation, yourself, and the other person. Be a learner and go on a treasure hunt. Don’t waste any opportunity in your life. In this case, see conflict as the opportunity, and you will be more likely to handle it constructively, build the relationship, and learn something in the process.