Expanding & Opening

How often do you give presentations? Speak to large groups or groups of any size? And when you do, how effective are you? When the stakes are high, what are you doing to make sure that you get the job done and achieve your outcomes?

To buy into your message, people need to see you as credible, and they need to believe that you believe in what you’re talking about. One without the other won’t cut it.

For my clients, establishing the former isn’t as much of any issue as the latter. Not a big deal? One out of two isn’t bad? Not so. The math breaks down here. Because the latter influences the former, in the minds of your audience. Meaning that beyond establishing your credibility and expertise through your content, when your audience perceives that you not only know your content but that you have belief/conviction/confidence in it, their perception of your credibility goes up even more.

The question is, then, how do you raise their perception of your belief, conviction and confidence? One way is through their perception of your power. Show them your power.

Okay then—how do you show your power? Through how you carry yourself. Collaborative research out of Columbia and Harvard Universities (Carney, Cuddy & Yap) is particularly exciting, because it shows that not only is your audience’s perception of power influenced by how you carry yourself. It shows that your actual power is influenced by how you carry yourself. They measured:

• Expansiveness (taking up more or less space), and
• Openness (keeping limbs open or closed)

And they found that when you take up more space and keep your limbs open, your audience’s belief in your power isn’t the only thing that changes (in this case strengthened). What also changes is your testosterone levels (rise) and your cortisol levels (drop). And this is a recipe for not just an increase in their perception of your power, but of your actual power, influencing your cognition, emotions, behavior and physiology. Short version: you're more likely to do and say smart and powerful things.

Here’s what this boils down to:

• Stay away from all of the typical traps that speak of “small” and “closed”—arms folded, head down, no or very small gestures, legs crossed, little or no movement. Go the other direction. Keep your body open and don’t get locked.
• Move around. This doesn’t mean wander or pace. This means to deliver some of your content with a good solid stance. Then take a good few purposeful steps—toward the audience, to the screen or another visual—and plant yourself again and deliver more content from there, etc.
• Use your arms. This doesn’t mean in a small, timid way. It also doesn’t mean to wave them wildly and continuously. I typically see one or the other (most often the first). It means to use purposeful and bold gestures—to visuals, or toward the audience, or to emphasize a point.

Feel nervous about a big presentation coming up? Don’t wait to feel powerful. Move your body powerfully. And your body will step up: your nerves will decrease, your power will increase. And your credibility along with it.

Your True Grit

We all have things that are non-negotiables for us. A few, or possibly just one thing, that we say in our hearts, “This must be. I must do this thing.” It could be to finally learn how to swim, or learn a language, or write a book, or strengthen a relationship. It could be anything.

It’s simply that these things that we know are important for us, and that live in our hearts, often have obstacles of some sort associated with them—time, money, fear, other people…. And it’s ours to step up and step through or step around. Or not.

If you haven’t seen “True Grit” yet, see it. I didn’t make it to the theaters but saw it on a plane yesterday. And not more than ten minutes into the film, the “true grit” of the youngest of the main characters (really trying to not spoil things here) had me riveted.

And what really caught my attention about this particular character, was that it wasn’t just “grit,” although there was plenty of that. The other ingredient, that came before the grit, was the vision. An absolutely crystal clear vision that fully engaged this person’s mind and heart. Complete focus and commitment. The vision was in place at that level, so when the obstacles showed up, there simply was no question. True grit would be applied, and a way would be found. Through, around, over, under. A way simply would be found.

If a “thing” in your life comes up for you when you think about this, see the movie this week. And I’m not saying that your obstacles aren’t real. I’m saying that when your vision gets crystal clear and fully engages your mind and your heart and you are focused and committed, interesting things can happen. Your true grit may step in and step up in ways that surprise you. And ways through, around, over, under may present themselves in ways you hadn’t planned.

A Good Equation

“Have nothing in your house which you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.”

William Morris, 19th century British artist, designer, writer, social innovator

This William Morris quote is full of wisdom. It showed up in my blog a month ago as wisdom, and it’s showing up today as an equation.

First, a few definitions:

• It’s oft been said that one’s house is a metaphor for one’s life. Or, at the very least, the house reflects the self. So, for our purposes today, let’s broaden the definition of “house” to “life”
• “Useful”-“serviceable for an end or purpose, or, of a valuable or productive kind” (Merriam-Webster)
• “Beautiful” - “exalts the mind or spirit, excellent quality” (Merriam-Webster)

So, have nothing in your life which isn’t useful (productive or serviceable for an end or purpose) or beautiful (uplifting and good). Wow. When you put it like that, a lot of things become clear. Our choices, our “yes-es,” will fit one of those categories. Or, perhaps both.

What we do, how we spend our time, what we eat, who we associate with. And I encourage you to think below the surface. “Helping someone” sounds like it fits the “beautiful” category, for example, as does “listening to someone.” Because we think of those as good things. And so they are. Just not always.

• On "helpfulness": Is there a situation in which helping a friend is not the most beautiful thing? Would it be more beautiful (better) for this friend to help themselves out, and be their own hero today?
• On "listening": Last week, I ran into an acquaintance who typically has a lot to say. I was on a schedule, this person was clearly not. After talking a few minutes, I could hear the conversation becoming a lengthy one, putting me behind, and cementing our relationship as “we bump into each other and she talks and I smile and fall behind schedule and feel frustrated.” I knew that listening certainly wasn’t useful to my day, and actually wasn’t beautiful, either. Speaking up for your needs (in my case, to get back on track with my day) is a good thing. I did, we parted amicably, and that was that.

Using the “useful or beautiful” test will help you spend your time better. It doesn’t mean that you never get to goof off. Sometimes, if you’re stressed out, that’s going to be the most useful thing you can do. It’s simply going to help you to not spend your time goofing off when it’s not a “useful” thing but a “procrastination” thing.

Think about your life this week in light of the useful and the beautiful. And see how your schedule and your priorities improve.

* picture: a classic William Morris textile

Deciding What Gets in Your Head

Sayulita, Mexico. 8:00 a.m., sometime last week. 

The view outside my front door.

The thing about there being places like this in the world, is just that. There are places like this in the world.

My reaction to this spot was similar to my reaction to standing at the Trevi Fountain for the first time. I mean, besides “Wow.” It was, “You mean that while I’m back home working on tough projects and getting cut off by stressed-out drivers and dealing with people who are bent out of shape by whatever…this is here? All of the time? While I’m caught up in all the stuff I’m caught up in: This beach is here. This fountain is here. This (fill in the blank with whatever in the world inspires and calms you) is here.

I’m intrigued with the success of Gretchen Rubin’s “Happiness Project.” Among many other things, its success points to the obvious—people want to be happy. Duh. Happy for the sake of happy, a good thing. And—I invite us to go further—happy for the sake of being productive, also a good thing. Think about it. When you’re feeling happy, inspired and calm, you tend to do better work. Yes, there are times you’ve pulled it out of nowhere and excelled in tight spots when you were stressed out and not feeling so great. Over the course of a career, though, sustained success tends to come from a different place than stress and negativity.

So.

You’re on the freeway and people are driving like crazy people. Makes you mad. You’re at work and someone takes the credit for your idea. Makes you furious. Here’s a thought. Esoteric, maybe. Useful, most certainly. There are people in the world who don’t drive thoughtfully and who don’t work fairly and a lot of other unfortunate things. Yes. And, there are places in the world where the waves are crashing and the fountains are flowing and the mountains are standing. Since they’re both realities, which one will you let inside your head? Completely up to you. Most people go by geographical proximity, and let whatever’s in front of them get inside their head. And wind up feeling…wound up. And they act like it. But just because the crazy driver and the difficult coworker are right in front of you, and the waves and the fountain are a few dozen or thousand miles away, why should you let the driver and the person at work get inside your head and stress you out? How about this: Let the waves and the fountain get inside your head. They are real (just at a distance), so why not? And now, in this state, make solid choices about how to drive safely and work well with the crazy drivers and difficult colleagues. I guarantee you, your choices will be more balanced and wise, and your outcomes will ultimately be improved. This is more than just “going to your happy place” and checking out. This is embracing reality—a larger reality. And one that’s going to serve you better than letting what’s in your face get to you.

Happier? Yes. More productive? Very much yes.

Now

"If we wait for the moment when everything, absolutely everything is ready, we shall never begin."

- Ivan Turgenev

Dialing It Up

“Is life not a hundred times too short for us to stifle ourselves?”   

- Friedrich Nietzsche

“Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.”  

 - David Letterman

I read a quote yesterday that caught my eye: “You have to come up with an idea and make it big,” Anthony Todd, designer and art director. In talking about his New York event projects, Todd sees his responsibility to his clients as not simply coming up with great ideas, but going big. As I thought about Todd’s statement, several others came to mind:

• Famous Chicago architect, Daniel Burnham, said, "Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood and probably themselves will not be realized."
  
• Thomas Leonard, early pioneer in the field of personal and professional coaching, advised clients to “Build a superreserve in every area.” The idea is to not live in a miserly way. To get yourself out of scarcity thinking. To take actions that begin to shift that habit of thinking—like going to Costco and buying an over-supply of something that’s easy to run out of, such as paper towels.
  
• Gretchen Rubin, author of New York Times bestseller, The Happiness Project, has “Twelve Personal Commandments.” One is to “spend out.” By spending out she’s thinking along the lines of Thomas Leonard—rather than hoarding and over-saving, to use what you have with joy and boldness.
  

A designer, an architect, a coach, a writer. All honing in on this idea of living Big. Bold. Full.

Have you been playing small? Have you been miserly in some way? Have you been saving or putting off things for too long—

• possessions
  
• ideas
  
• activities
  
• talents
  

Whatever comes to mind, dial it up this week. In your mind's eye, see your hand turning the dial...way up.

I have a couple of ways I’ll be applying this in my life this week. A very simple one is...sleep! Arianna Huffington gave a Ted Talk in January in which she spoke of the power of sleep, how there’s a snobbery around getting limited sleep, and what it costs us in our ability to work well and make sound decisions. This week, contrary to my habit of cheating myself out of full rest, I’m going to get plenty of sleep.

What will you dial up this week?

Better Definitions

How is your week going to go? Up to you.

Do you have projects to work on, deadlines to meet, situations to resolve and people to work with that you deem:

• Impossible
  
• Ridiculous
  
• Awful
  
• Dreaded
  
• Boring…?
  

So be it.

Only remember this: your mind is an amazing tool. And a dedicated one—dedicated to you. And it will do your bidding. If you deem things as listed above, then they’re likely to be just that. On the other hand, if you take a different tack and redefine those projects, deadlines, situations and people as:

• Challenging
  
• Different
  
• Interesting
  
• An opportunity to _______ (fill in the blank with whatever is useful to you, e.g. try a different approach, learn something new, challenge yourself, do your best work, persevere, be creative…)
  

…the outcomes you achieve may be different than the outcomes you achieve with the first list of definitions. Why? Your mind. “Impossible” shuts the mind down. Door closed. That’s it. “Challenging” leaves the door open (even if only a crack), your mind has room to be creative, and is much more likely to help you come up with something that will be useful to you in resolving something tough.

The power of how we define things has been widely researched and published, and bears taking seriously. Just ask the Swiss. 1968 Switzerland had 65% of world watch market sales and more than 80% of the profits. Then, the electronic quartz watch emerged. And the Swiss ignored it. Why? One reason: the definition of “a quality watch.” The Swiss definition of a quality watch included, without question, “A watch that involves gears and bearings and mainsprings.” End of story. And by 1980, Swiss watch sales market share had dropped to 10%, and their profits to 20%. Between 1969 and 1981, 50,000 of the 62,000 Swiss watchmakers lost their jobs. A national catastrophe. And the kicker: the Swiss themselves had invented the electronic quartz watch. It was dismissed within Switzerland, but the Japanese certainly took note, and the rest is history.

This week:

1. Identify the most important items on your calendar
   
2. Consider the definitions you are giving them—are those definitions serving you? If not,
   
3. Get creative and give your brain something better to work with—better definitions