Connecting

This weekend I attended a producers’ screening of “127 Hours,” the film starring James Franco that chronicles the dramatic real-life experience of Colorado outdoorsman Aron Ralston.

I won’t spoil the movie for those of you who don’t remember the 2003 event—although you likely do, as it made international news and caught the attention of Danny Boyle and Christian Colson in England—the team that later brought us “Slumdog Millionaire.” After “Slumdog Millionaire,” they turned their full attention to “127 Hours,” which they produced with John Smithson. Boyle directed.

What I will share (aside from the fact that 3 audience members fainted during the film, all at the same time. My first time hearing that unhappy line in a dark theater, “Is there a doctor in the house?” Unlikely in this case, as the audience was comprised of film producers. And me. Fortunately no doctors were needed and everyone was fine) is an interesting comment Danny Boyle made after the film. He and Christian Colson were in attendance and conducted a Q&A at the end. In discussing his exploration of the themes of isolation and connection, Boyle said that Aron Ralston was fascinated with video and always had his camcorder with him. He created lots of “messages” on video—filming himself giving messages to different people in his life. And Boyle noticed that at the same time Aron Ralston was exploring video messaging in the ruggedness of Colorado, Mark Zuckerberg and others were developing facebook in the hallowed halls of Harvard.

Isolation. Technology. Connection—the absolute, fundamental human requirement of connection. In 2003, two young men were exploring technologies that are intimately related to connection. Both of their lives are now splashed across movie screens (Ralston’s in “127 Hours,” Zuckerberg’s in “The Social Network”). And while the backdrops of these films couldn’t be more different, it’s worth digging below the surface and exploring in our own lives a theme that walks across both—the link between technology and connection. I won’t engage here in the debate over whether technology and social networking in particular strengthen or weaken our human connections. The discussion is robust and everyone has an opinion. In the short term, people must decide for themselves how and to what extend they will rely on emerging technologies in their relationships. In the long term, the scientists will have the necessary ingredient of time and conduct the research to contribute data to the discussion.

What I will weigh in on today is more fundamental than “how will you create connection—with or without the tools of technology.” Why are these tools being created at all? Because everyone agrees on how critical connection itself is to the human experience, to our existence. And each of us must examine this for ourselves—the absolute fundamental human requirement of connection, period, in our own lives. Technology tools or not. We are all so busy, transacting life in an increasingly complex world. The question is: are we connecting? Really and truly connecting?

I have a neuroscientist friend who spends his days studying the link between human connection and health. Health, as in, quality of life in the short term, and life or death in the long (or not-so-long) term. The research is fascinating, the connection undeniable. Human connection improves and lengthens life. How the new communication technology tools figure into that equation remains to be seen.

For now, this week, ask yourself: “Who do I need to connect with?”

And connect. Just…connect. 

Brainstorming the Right Way (a.k.a. Giving Yourself a Chance to Come Up With Really Good Stuff)

"Brainstorming” is an over-used term. It’s become to idea-generation what Kleenex is to tissue. When we say “let’s brainstorm,” people jump into their idea of what brainstorming is, and, as a result, good and even great ideas get trampled, and sometimes relationships as well.

Let’s first look at what brainstorming really is, then where we often go wrong, and finish with how you can apply this to your own life and get some real traction with your own potentially wonderful ideas.

Rules of Brainstorming

Brainstorming is a creativity technique designed to enable a group of people to generate ideas to solve a problem. And when it's done as it was designed, it has rules. Really good rules—designed to yield great results. When you’re brainstorming with a group of people, here are the rules, listed chronologically:

1. Brainstorming begins once the topic, problem or question is clearly stated.
   
2. Brainstorming is conducted in round-robin fashion—one person states one idea/solution, and the person designated as scribe, whose role it is to take notes on a whiteboard or flipchart, writes the idea, verbatim, for all to see. There is no discussion, no evaluation of the idea.
   
3. The person seated next to the first “speaker” volunteers one idea next, which the note-taker writes.
   
4. And so it goes in a circle, and keeps going.
   
5. If a person doesn’t have an idea, that person says “pass” and the next person goes.
   
6. This continues until all people in the circle say “pass” (probably a sign that people are ready to pass out…).
   
7. Next, questions are asked and any ideas that are unclear are clarified by the person who volunteered the idea.
   
8. Next, ideas are combined or grouped, with the permission of the person whose idea will possibly be combined.
   
9. Next, ideas are evaluated—pros and cons, etc.
   
10. Finally, a vote—using any one of a number of voting techniques.
    

Where We Go Wrong

Can you already see where we get into trouble?

• Sometimes we’re not even clear on what it is we’re trying to figure out. Be clear as you define the issue. (1)
  
• People famously jump in and evaluate and judge ideas before ever giving them a chance to unfold and breathe. I’ve no doubt that some truly great ideas have never graced the world with their wonderful reality because someone who thought they knew what they were talking about* shot them down before they ever had a chance. And, as the ideas are judged, people feel judged as well. Evaluation is reserved for #9, and by that time, enough time has gone by so that if an idea is judged unfavorably, the person who came up with the idea doesn’t lose face the way they do when judgment happens in #2. Also—note how important it is that the scribe write the idea verbatim—that they don’t write their own idea of what the person says. (2)
  
• If you don’t go in a circle, the introverts and the “processors”—people who need a chance to really think things through—never get their best stuff heard. These people often say “pass” on the first two or even three rounds, while they process and really get warmed up. If we just do a quick brainstorming where people throw their ideas into the mix indiscriminately, rest assured the ideas of these people will never have their day. (3, 4 & 5)
  
• How many times have we seen extroverts explain things for introverts? Often incorrectly. Let the person speak for themselves. (7 & 8)
  

How You Can Apply This in Your Own Life

Your own personal brainstorming, if it’s like most people’s, is subject to “rule-breaking.” In our own lives, we tend to come up with an idea, and before we’ve given it room to breathe, we’ve moved right into evaluation mode. We become the scribe, who writes the idea down not in its pure form, but with judgments. We become the other team members, who judge the idea before it’s even written down at all. We snuff out our own brilliance before it even has a chance.

The short version is this: idea generation comes first, evaluation comes last. Don’t mix them up. If you do, you’ll undoubtedly short yourself.

This week, in your own personal brainstorming, give yourself a chance. In the face of a question or a problem, let yourself brainstorm. Stay in brainstorm mode.** Think about your ideas. Roll them around. Explore them and let them breathe. Not until then is it appropriate to evaluate, vote, and decide.

* About people who think they know what they’re talking about: They may mean well. It’s just that they may be wrong. Similarly, the judge in your head means well—it wants to save you from going down roads that won’t be worth it. And again, that judge may be wrong. If your judge steps in, you’re free to thank it and let it know that it’s not needed just yet.

** Creative tools for brainstorming include free writing and mind-mapping—look for these in future blog entries.

Re-Creating Through Recreating

Most health care professionals, if a patient is wound up and stressed out but otherwise healthy, will advise the patient to take a little time off, get some recreation—go on vacation, take the weekend, or at least get out for an afternoon walk.

I’ve spent my fair share of time being wound up, and have had the “get out for some recreation” talk from friends, if not doctors. And in the past, I generally had one of two responses:

• I smiled and said “thank you for the advice” with no intention of doing anything about it. Because I didn’t get the value. I didn’t see recreation as anything more than just “blowing off steam.” And if I had a lot to do, that seemed like a time-stealer. Better to push through and work.
  
• I said “fine” and went off and engaged in some recreation. And while it was good and nice and perhaps cleared my head a little, it didn’t seem to matter much.
  

I’m going to suggest a third option, one that, to my surprise (as evidenced above) has in more recent years served me well. Rather than not recreating (bad for your health, actually), and rather than recreating without it seeming to matter much, how about taking it to another level? How about recreating, and really benefitting? How about recreating and seeing a real change, as a result?

It starts with awareness:
Is it possible this horsing around, this blowing off steam, is part of something greater and grander? It’s a great word, especially when you break it down: re-creating. Is it possible that recreating has creative powers? If so, then this is a whole new ball game (yes, ball game). Because the creative process—creating something, or re-creating something—is amazing, mysterious, divine. And powerful.

So here’s the third option:

Get some recreation this week, and when you do, go beyond blowing off steam. Be wonderfully aware of the powers of the activity to bring re-creation to you. Give yourself to this. No pressure, no expectation, simply the knowledge that this bike ride or this game or this trip to the museum is great and powerful stuff. Take a deep breath, have fun, and allow the creative process to do its thing in you. Who knows what you’ll find, what re-creation will happen, as a result?

Tactics, Not Habits

Have you seen these in a presentation? The presenter...

• continuously paces back and forth across the front of the room, or
  
• repeatedly uses the phrase “you guys,” or
  
• spends most of the presentation with one arm folded in front, and the other hand holding the chin, in a thoughtful pose.
  

There are many more—these are simply three that I have seen with my clients in the last week.

And in speaking with them about these observations, here were the responses I heard:

• Pacing: “I don’t want to be rooted in one spot and look scared.”
  
• “You guys”: I’m giving this presentation to some really salt-of-the-earth people. If I don’t use the phrase “you guys,” they’ll think I’m one of those slick people from corporate and my credibility will go down.
  
• “Thoughtful” pose: “I want to show that I’m not stiff and inauthentic, but real and (surprise, surprise) thoughtful.
  

Their intent is right on—the presenter shouldn’t be rooted in one spot and look scared, come across as slick, or seem stiff and inauthentic. The issue isn’t what they did to avoid these impressions, the issue is when/how often they did them. In other words, there are times to move around in a presentation. Doing it continuously so that it becomes pacing is too much—your audience will stop listening to you and start timing your walking and your turns. It’s true. There are certain audiences for whom it’s important to say “you guys” a few times—to the wrong audience or done to much, people won’t take you seriously. And there are times to move your body into a pose of clear thoughtfulness, yet done throughout most of the presentation will cause you to look cut off or possibly judgmental. In other words, because all three of these actions were done repeatedly or continuously, I knew that they weren’t being used strategically and wisely, as tactics to effectively deliver the content to the audience, but as a default, as a habit. And habits will serve you when your habits match what’s needed in the situation. And when they’re not, they’ll get you into trouble.

Take a step back this week—and look not only at how you present your ideas to others, but further afield. Look at some of the ways you operate in regards to how you communicate, organize, focus, exercise, prioritize, eat, get rest, etc. Whatever comes to mind for you is probably what you need to take a look at. And ask yourself if you’re essentially operating:

• Out of habit, on autopilot, or
  
• Out of choice, choosing tactics that serve you really well
  

And if you find an area in which you’re operating out of habit, and upon inspection, feel that it’s not serving you well in all of the situations in which you use it, go into tactic mode. Give yourself a different tactic to take, given whatever situations you have in mind, and what would make sense. Essentially, bring yourself to a higher level of awareness—awareness of when you tend to do what, when it’s appropriate, and when or in what situations you would want to take a different tactic.